Mediation Is Not What Most People Think
Divorce mediation is not therapy, and it’s not arbitration. A mediator doesn’t make decisions for you — they’re a neutral third party who facilitates negotiation between you and your spouse to help you reach a voluntary agreement.
Mediation can happen before or during divorce proceedings, and is sometimes ordered by a court when parties are stuck. In many states, mediation is required before a custody case can go to trial.
How Mediation Sessions Work
Sessions typically last 2–3 hours and occur over one or more meetings depending on the complexity of your issues. The mediator may meet with both of you together, or shuttle between separate rooms (called shuttle mediation) if communication is too difficult.
Topics typically covered: division of assets and debts, spousal support (alimony), child custody and visitation schedules, and child support.
The Benefits Over Litigation
Mediation is significantly cheaper than contested divorce litigation — often costing $3,000–$8,000 for both parties combined, versus tens of thousands in court. It’s also faster, more private (no public court record of your negotiation), and gives you more control over the outcome.
Agreements reached in mediation tend to be followed more consistently because both parties actively participated in creating them — rather than having a judge impose a solution neither fully accepts.
When Mediation Doesn’t Work
Mediation requires both parties to participate in good faith. It’s not appropriate in situations involving: domestic violence or an extreme power imbalance, suspected hidden assets that need court-ordered discovery, or a spouse who refuses to negotiate honestly.
It’s also not the right tool if you don’t have a basic understanding of your marital finances — don’t go into mediation without knowing the full picture of assets and debts.
Always Have an Attorney Review the Agreement
Even if your mediation goes smoothly and you reach a full settlement, have an independent attorney review the agreement before you sign it. This relatively small cost can catch provisions that inadvertently waive important rights or create future problems.
Once ratified by a court, a mediated divorce agreement has the same legal force as any court order — so getting it right matters.